Source: # The Quiet Farmer *Ramesh, fifty-one, farms three acres near Nagpur. After two poor harvests and a loan he cannot repay, he has become silent and short-tempered. He no longer joins the evening chat at the tea stall. He wakes before dawn, c…* Ramesh, fifty-one, farms three acres near Nagpur. After two poor harvests and a loan he cannot repay, he has become silent and short-tempered. He no longer joins the evening chat at the tea stall. He wakes before dawn, cannot go back to sleep and sits staring at the field. He complains of headaches and body pain. His wife says he shouts over small things and refuses to see a doctor. "Men do not get sad," he tells her. "I am just worn out." He has started drinking more in the evenings. When his son asks him to come for a wedding, he says, "Go without me. I am no use to anyone." The village health worker visited and sat with him for an hour without talking about the loan. Slowly, Ramesh said that nothing felt worth doing any more. The worker explained that depression in men often looks like anger, tiredness, pain and drinking rather than tears, and that it can be treated. Ramesh went to the district clinic with his son. With treatment from a doctor, a loan counselling meeting and daily walks to the tea stall, he began to rest and think more clearly. His wife said, "The old Ramesh is coming back, but quieter and kinder." ### How to recognise it - Irritability, anger or withdrawal rather than open sadness. - Early waking, tiredness and aches that have no clear physical cause. - Increased drinking or other substance use. - Statements like 'I am no use' or 'my family would be better off without me'. - Loss of interest in work, friends and festivals for weeks. ### What this story explains This story shows how depression can look different in men and how money stress, stigma and drinking can hide it. ### Probable root causes - Long-term money worries, debt and uncertainty. - Social belief that men must be strong and never show weakness. - Brain chemistry and family history of mood problems. - Alcohol, which worsens mood and sleep. - Isolation from friends and community. ### What to do 1. Spend time with him without a topic, perhaps over tea or a walk. 2. Name what you see: "You seem worn down for weeks, and I am worried." 3. Offer to go with him to the clinic and do not make it a big fuss. 4. Reduce alcohol access and support him cutting down. 5. Link him with practical help for the money problem. 6. If he speaks of ending his life, stay close, remove access to danger and call the local emergency number or go to the nearest hospital. ### Whom to consult - Family doctor or primary health centre first. - Psychiatrist if mood stays low for more than two weeks, sleep and appetite are disturbed or there is hopelessness. - Counsellor or clinical psychologist for talking support. - Local community or trusted elder for practical and financial guidance. ### Do and don’t **Do** | **Don’t** | Make it normal to talk about feelings. | Do not say 'be a man'. | Offer practical help with duties. | Do not shame him for drinking. | Go along to appointments. | Do not leave him alone if he talks of dying. | Remind him he matters to the family. | Do not argue about the debt in the heat of the moment. | Involve the family in daily walks and meals. | Do not spread his private struggles in the village. | ### How to behave and communicate - Use a respectful, unhurried tone and avoid direct confrontation. - Try: "You carry so much for us. I would like to carry some with you." - Listen more than you speak. - Let him choose the setting for talking. - Show steady presence, even if he says little. [All 35 chapters](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/chapters/) · [183 stories from real life](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/stories/) · [61 Hindu shloks for the mind](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/shlokas/) · [Psychology for Everyone – A Mental Well Being Series](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/) [myadvisorfriend@gmail.com](mailto:myadvisorfriend@gmail.com) · [Contact](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/contact/) · [About](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/about/) · [Privacy](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/privacy/) · [Disclaimer](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/disclaimer/) --- *Psychology for Everyone – A Mental Well Being Series* by Satish Zope · free to read · Contact: [myadvisorfriend@gmail.com](mailto:myadvisorfriend@gmail.com) · [About](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/about/) · [Privacy](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/privacy/) · [Disclaimer](https://vedant.myadvisorfriend.com/disclaimer/)